Pat 'em on the Back or Kick 'em in the Face?

My grandfather, tart as he was, always used to preach, “Study hard son, and you will find success.” My mother, bemused as she was, simply said, “You’re the greatest.” I naturally, preferred the latter. This in mind, it’s no wonder that when I met the kryptonite of the true world, the unyielding blue suit and silky red cape were quickly replaced by the tutu of reality.

I was reading an article in the USA TODAY regarding the self esteem initiative that has been popular for the last several decades. The piece, written a couple of years ago, gives a brief overview of the movement to raise well adjusted children by boosting their self esteem. The article was naturally written “media” style, and the writer has that” he said/she said” mode of organization that leaves it a little dry. However, it brings up several good points, and includes some research statistics that although not elaborate, make several pertinent arguments.

The research makes a case that self-esteem may not have as many benefits as originally thought. The most striking example was presented by Roy Baumeister, a psychology professor from Florida State University. Professor Baumeister, having studied self esteem for over thirty years, reviewed over eighteen thousand articles written in Psychological Science in the Public Interest. His final conclusion was that there wasn’t a wide range of benefits from self esteem. He called it one the most disappointing moments of his career. This in mind, I think we need to evaluate the effects of this emotional coddling.

Although the fine details of the study were omitted, I personally feel that the research is valid, at least in my own personal experience. There is a very fine line between good self esteem and a false sense of reality. In my case, I firmly believe it pushed me to underachieve. I grew up being quite the musician. I studied classical piano for fifteen years, many of them at a supposed “prestigious” school. I had the leads in all the musicals, went through all the honors programs, and have received gobs of awards and recognitions. As I reached adulthood, this constant barrage of success, and more importantly praise, truly left me with an invincible attitude.

What the self esteem movement failed to accomplish was preparing me for the trials of the real world. No one ever told me that when I reached adulthood, there were going to be plenty of people just as good at what I did, much less, some that would be better. Soon after figuring out that I hadn’t achieved the elitism I held in my mind, I really just ceased to try. Preferring to pursue avenues in which I would be considered the cream of the crop, I really sold myself short on the “what might have been” portion of the equation.

To close, I don't really buy into the whole feel good equals do good theory. Kids are fragile and impressionable. To fill their heads with unrealistic expectations while failing to inform them on how society functions, can be harmful. I expect that other research has reported this same false sense of worth in which I consider myself to be a living example. There was a time in my life I thought I was Mozart, the reality was I had just begun the journey.