An Evening With John Mayer

Sarah and I (Jeremy) were in attendance at John Mayer's concert at the Quest in Minneapolis on April 16^th. I thought I would critique the night's happenings. On our way to get in line we saw him walking across the street, all the girls in line went nuts, they called home, and I made some crack to Sarah about how its not like he's Bono. We were about 15^th in line and waited to get in for just over an hour, not too bad, but we get in and there are already like 200 people around the stage, I'm not sure what happened there. Then of course between then and curtain time 200 more jackasses push and shove their way up. I think at one time I actually had a couple people on my shoulders. Once we were packed tight these drunk girls tried making their way up and no one would, or could, let them through. They went back and around and eventually ended up in front of us, which pissed off everyone around us. The temperature was hotter than hell and climbing. The opening act was M. Doughty, from Soul Coughing fame; he was pretty cool, especially when you put him in the realm of opening bands. Oddly enough when he said, "this will be my last song" the crowd booed, not a long boo, but noticeable. Inbetween the acts was a nightmare. The techies worked for about 15 minutes, pulled up the curtain, we got excited, nothing happened, 10 minutes later nothing, 20 minutes later nothing, feet starting to bleed, 30 minutes later nothing, the crowd chants, then boos, then chants, nothing, the pain in my feet was spreading up my legs and sweat was burning my eyes. Finally, just shy of the point the Quest was torn down in an ugly, sweaty, riot, John comes out to deafening cheers. The thing is the curtain should never have been raised. People will wait weeks between acts if the curtain is down. Once it comes up though that means they should be coming out.

If you've never seen John he's just slightly less dorky than Rivers Coumo. (Weezer) During his guitar solos he looked pained, sick, stunned, he was mouthing something, the unintentional comedy factor was high. The music was unnnn beeeeeee lieeeeeeevable. This kids got skillz. That's right, with a 'z', that good. During an extended solo the guitar burst into flames, set his shirt a blaze, and broke into two pieces, yet none of it fazed him.

Toward the end of the concert the heat was unbearable, when Sarah went blind and almost blacked out (She wasn't the only one) we pulled back. I went to get us some water and instinctively asked how much it was, I'm not sure why I asked, she could have said $300 and I would have asked if they take Discover. At this point the concert was almost over, we got some T-Shirts, watched the last few songs, and headed home.

Grading time

Minneapolis: B, I've been there 7 million times and I still can't find my way around to save my life.

The Quest: D-, pretty neat setup but they were not prepared, they should have had the place at a nice 50 degrees before everyone got there so by concerts end it was a mere 97, instead when we got there it seemed about 75, just a few degrees cooler that in was outside. I saw Weezer at First Ave, wearing four shirts (so I didn't have to hold the ones I bought), was packed against the railing, and it wasn't as bad because the security guards would dump water on the crowd or pass out bottles of it. At the Quest they threw out like 5 bottles (to one small area, before John came out) and dumped like 3 on the crowd. There is a mister but it's in the back where it doesn't do much good. Here is what you do club owners, get PVC pipe, cap one end, poke tiny holes along bottom, pump water in the other end, and hang 4-5 of these across the ceiling. I think that would run about 50 bucks at a hardware store, and they could have their security lackeys install it. A giant vegetable mister. One more thing, if you are going to charge $2 for a 16 ounce bottle of water at least have it be cold, or chilled, or slightly less than room temperature, I think the bartender got our waters out of a microwave.

The Opening Act: A-, Like I said he was entertaining, a hard thing to be when you are generally the annoyance no one came to see.

John Mayer: A, He's a lovable dork. The music was superb. He lost the + for keeping us waiting so long, if he had a good reason he can have his + back.

The Merchandise: B, 3 shirts, a visor, and the Album. Not a whole lot to choose from but $15 bucks for a shirt is pretty good for a concert.

The Whole Experience: B, The experience of great music was slightly lessened by the absolutely unbearable heat.

Concert Ramblings

Is there anything worse than when a guy takes his shirt off at a concert? You have to feel bad for everyone around him. Its 112 degrees and we all have 2 inches to stand in. It's gross enough to be drenched in your own sweat.

Has there ever been a legitimate encore in the history of music? Every band does the "Good night everybody!" thing and leave, the crowd cheers a bit, the band comes back and plays their big hit and maybe some others, leaves again, some come back again. The bands plan their encores, and we know it because half the time they save their big hit for their planned encore. Invariably after the bands planned encore(s) the lights come on and every one exits like the building is burning down. Just once I would like to see the lights come on and every one refusing to leave, cheering and chanting, until the band comes back on. I want to see one legitimate encore.

Why do lots of girls dress up for concerts like they are going to a job interview? My theory is because they think at any moment the singer might stop, single them out, and be like "You!, you are my new girlfriend." It's a distant cousin to the phenomenon of every guy at every sporting event. Guys don't bring their baseball gloves to a game because they might catch a foul ball, they bring them because there's a slight chance the manager will put them in the game. The rest of the girls at concerts go with a different approach for attire, they wear the smallest amount of clothing they can legally walk down the street in.

What the hell is with people and cell phones at concerts? They call their friends and hold the phone in the air, as if the person on the other end can make out anything anyway. The club was illuminated like the stadium in that Nokia commercial. Can we ban these people? I have to have this guys armpit in my face so Johnny Too Cheap To Buy A Ticket can hear a roar at the other end of the phone? People from different areas of the crowd were calling one another and screaming into the phone, "What? I can't hear you! What? Dude, I cant hear you!" The guy next to me had about eight of these conversations with someone near the back. What did they need to talk about anyway? "Yeah man, I'm 25 feet closer, I feel sorry for you, the band must look like a dot to you."

-Jeremy Lindgren likes Smarties